Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
