paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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