your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
