hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize