did you get engaged???
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
