i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I am midnight drunk by noon
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
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