BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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