so explain again why im purple
no
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Randomize
