who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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