Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
You're a waste of cheezeits
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
