Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize