whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
