The brown eye won't let me do that either.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
My bed smells like the plague
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
