I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
