Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
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