You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
