I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
