it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
