Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
