Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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