my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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