I could make wine with my vomit
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
you never un-have a 4some
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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