end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
that's an acceptable place to lick
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
