the new term for farting is butt boxing.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
