Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
