so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
