there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
pray to the hookup gods
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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