Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
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