About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize