I wish I could punch you in the face.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
