Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
