did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Randomize
