I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
