His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
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