i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Randomize
