A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
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