i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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