no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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