mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Randomize
