Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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