We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
