Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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