I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
