I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Randomize
