there's paper in my vomit.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
