Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Shame - the story of my life.
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