so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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