one might say we're banned from that church
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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