Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
