If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
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