I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
