shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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