im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Boobs speak an international language.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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