You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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