I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
