Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
