I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
