when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
