I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
There was a lot of him and a little penis
should my penis look like a turkey
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
