Is it normal to miss your booty call?
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
