My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
