Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Randomize
