Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
