my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
