That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
