I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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