My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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