wanna go halves on a baby?
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
