I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
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