did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
