Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Randomize
