Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
