you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
