K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
i just had sex bonerless
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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