White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
this will be a night to untag.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
